“Another memory and I’m asking myself, How can I let the past be the past. Once and for all take a hold of the future And not let it control what I aspire to have. I see where my decisions have brought me. What’s done is done and it’s time to start again Can’t let it tear me in two waste me away. I gotta believe. What I’ve seen and what I’ve been through has made me who I am. There was a time in my life where I had no desire to carry on. I couldn’t see a place for me or a will to survive. I never thought to rely on myself or the beliefs that I have denied, But this is now! How can I can change tomorrow if I can’t change today? This is now, If I control myself I control my destiny!”
Well, it’s been a year. One year. A whole year. Nothing has changed. I feel exactly the same way I did One year ago. Life is so unreal. It Decided to turn my life upside down and shake it up spin it set it back down and seem to say “so here you go, deal with this stuff for the entirety of 2016” so I did. I thought I got the hang of it pretty well too. Then 2016 decided it need one more go at it. Changed my life around one more time. I was headed down a path that was set out for me and life with all her vanity decided to throw me into another spin that has left me headed down another direction. I’m seemed better equipped this time around less growing pains less I don’t wanna change feelings. took it with an adaptability that I never had before. However life wasn’t finished yet, much like killing off so many legends she did this year she came back with one more life changer… which has lead us here. Now.
This time, this time. I think I finally learned. This time I enjoyed my time i learned to enjoy what I got. Maybe for a little maybe not forever. So I’ll continue to enjoy it. Is this what life wanted me to learn. Not to take people, things, stuff for granted? I think so. Maybe that’s not all she wanted me to learn and grow from but it’s what I got out of this so far.
If I told you half the stuff that’s gone on. You’d just shake your head. I know I do. However I used to shake my head and think what the hell why me? Can’t things just be good. Can’t things just go smoothly… and frankly… no! No they can’t. Life is about struggle. If we just sat around and be okay with what’s going on around us will never grow into the beautiful people we all are… think of it this way, out of whatever pain or struggle you’re having right now in this moment it’s just temporary… soon as it passes it will have lead you to something good.
Last year I lost out pretty big at the end of the year. Lost someone I may have took for granted. This year I spent it alone. Hoping for another chance. Waiting to get it right. It’s never come.
I’ve ended up at the same place I was last year. By myself. However this time I have a lot more hope! Not questions of why me? Why this? Why that? Why can’t I win? Nope. Just let it all play out how it’s gonna play out. I tried so hard to win. I lost what I truly wanted. I tried so hard to succeed I forgot what life is even about.
For this up coming year, I think I got a better hold of it. People won’t stay just because you want them too. Just because you love them with every ounce of love you got to give. It doesn’t mean shit. If the other person doesn’t want it. Trying hard to achieve your goals don’t mean shit either if you don’t enjoy your ride, the ups and the downs. I’ve never been great at life. But I think I’m getting better at it. And that’s all I can really ask for.
So goodbye 2016! You where the worst year I ever had in my entire life. So thanks for coming and now going. stay gone. I’m good with out you, but thank you for everything. And to you. I do miss you and I’d give anything to have you back. To you reading this hope you look out from your screen and love the people who love you. If you’re in a tough spot remember it’s only temporary and needed to grow into the best person you’re gonna be. To everyone else thanks for whatever it is we have. I do appreciate it. And I truly love you all. Thanks for taking the time to stop by. Have a good one. Your friend the selfish👻ghost Niña Triste
Miss and love you alWAys
Has it been a month already? I guess so. Well. Let’s see what’s happened…. fuck. A lot has happen. Life was going one direction in October and now it’s going a different direction in November.
Went to another festival… danced my ass off again. Looking for that soul salvation. Left feeling great.
I’ve been trying to be a lot more optimistic and positive. Like everything I got going on, I’m thinking positively that it’s going to end in a positive way. Why? Well, because usually I have this Debbie downer attitude. oh this is gonna end in some kind of pain. Whether emotionally or physically. Well. FUCK that noise. I’m so over thinking everything is shit. Not saying it most likely isn’t shit. Cause 9 out of 10 times it is. But why should I feed it? I’m here for a good time, not a long time. So fuck all this bad that’s been going on in 2016. Only way 2017 is gonna be a win is if I change my atttitude and start believing that the good times are ahead.
So, if you’re feeling down and out and life has just been shitting on you in the most epic way.. remember you have every right to tell life FUCK YOU!! And like suicidal tendencies said! YOU CANT BRING ME DOWN!!! You can’t bring me down!
been kicked out your house? Dumped? Lost money? Wrecked your car? Been shit on by friends? Fighting with your parents? Feel lonely? Feel like not waking up? Guess what? I’ve been there. I’ve lived there I’ve owned it. I’m giving it back I’m gonna own the good times. So let’s fucking smile? Why? Because man it uses the same damn energy you’d waste being sad, so sick of feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. so let’s push forward to happy times!! Cause we deserve it. You do, I do, we do!
So head hope! we don’t have to let life take us down, or anyone else for that matter.
Oh oh before I forget this picture below is for a tshirt I made. Come to the shop and buy it. Or hit me up and I got you. Either or.
That’s it for me, if you need me I’m always around. Use your hate to fight the bad in the world and let’s turn it around to being happy and smiling. Yea life has its ups and downs but we don’t have to stay down because the world wants us there.
i love and i Miss you alWays.
The selfish ghost✨ 👻 Nina triste
People will tell you from an early age, you can do whatever it is you wanna do. You work hard at it and it’s yours. It’s true. I’ve set out and achieved every goal I ever put in front of me. Knocking them down one by one.
However, I did it at a great cost. I sacrificed those around me. Girlfriends, fiancé, family, friends, health, sleep, etc.
I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. My normal routine tends to have me by myself thinking, self dialog. Up at 7:30 coffee run, gym, church, home, clean, shower, the shop. At the shop people come and go. Head home, dinner, home. Bed…. I don’t sleep well. So bed time is tricky… it’s more time alone thinking self dialog staring into the darkness of my room. Repeat. With in the last ten months of this routine of dissecting and reexamination of everything in my life I came up with a conclusion.
I’m fucking CRAZY! I get so consumed in doing this that and whatever it takes to get what I set out to get. I fucking loose everything in the process. And you know what?!?!? It’s all my fault.
So here now and forever I’m letting go. Like I’ve said countless of times I don’t know where this life is head and I don’t give a fuck. I got a general idea of what I want. I won’t do anything to ruin that. But if life wants to throw a new road a new career a new love interest a new state a new country I’m headed straight for it.
Thanks for looking
Even if I see you everyday, or if I don’t. Know this. I miss you, I love you. I’M alWays thinking about you.
SG Nina triste the selfish ghost.
Where do I even begin? Life, it has this really fancy way of showing you just how little you’re. I’m not gonna waste a lot of your time by talking about how things are hard and life isn’t easy. You know that already, I know that already…. The hard part is learning from the past and moving forward. It’s what’s the most difficult part for me. Living one day at a time. I spend so much time looking in the past so I don’t repeat mistakes that I forget to enjoy the present day trying to fix the future.
I’ve been so concerned and preoccupied wanting to succeed a goal I set out for myself. I neglected the ones around me. See sometimes they don’t tell you the secrets to this life game. At 35 I still take time for granted and think everything will work out in the long run. All while forgetting to actually take care of things right in front of me.
I spent 3 days dancing my ass off to loud music surrounded by hundreds of people and at times I’ve never felt more alone. The dj’s called out several different times several different days to wrap your hands around the one you love. Hug the one you truly love. I was left standing there with only one option dance harder to hide the fact that in a crowd I’m still alone. I had an absolute blast. time of my life! dancing my self into the ground… But if I took care of what is in front of me. I could of wrapped my arms around the one I love. Until then, I can’t look back at all the failed opportunities. I can only do whatever one else does. Distract my self from the pain that lingers deep inside. I’ve traveled this planet amongst friends. I’ve traveled with lovers and or family. All feeling like a ghost. I’m forever haunted by the one I can’t have.
Everyone knows you want what you can’t have. I guess I’ll forever be wanting you. While dancing myself into the ground to hide from how it feels to not be with you.
Still dancing, still miss you. Always.
Staring at two different views from our window ledge. Coffee has gone cold, it’s like time froze. There you go wishing, floating down our wishing well. It’s like I’m always causing problems, causing hell. I didn’t mean to put you through this, I can tell We’re gonna sweep this under the carpet. I hope that I can turn back the time. To make it all alright, all alright for us. I’ll promise to build a new world for us two. With you in the middle! Lying down beside you. What’s going through your head? The silence in the air felt like my soul froze. Am I just overthinking feelings I conceal. This gut feeling I’m tryna get off me as well. I hope we find our missing pieces and just chill.
I’m going to miss the way I missed you. But I’m okay if you’re okay. I’ve been lonely when I’m with you, But now I’m lonely all the same. If you need to find yourself. In the arms of someone else. I wish you on your way. I’m gonna miss the way I kissed you, But I’ll be brave if you’ll be brave And this is only the beginning. Although it feels just like the end. If you need to take some time. I’d surrender all of mine. I wouldn’t make you stay! But my love, I’ve never been too good at change.